Theres Accident Prone And Theres Walking Disaster
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Reid's always been a magnet for trouble, but this is just ridiculous.


Reid knew something was wrong when he woke up, snug and well-rested in his bed. His head was clear of that sleepy fog that filled your mind right before you fall asleep, the birds were chirping and sweet sunlight poured through his window.

Reid sat up in panic. Where was that annoying drop-down-dead feeling, where were the heavy-lidded eyes, where was the gloomy grey sky, where the the squawks of terror as the birds struggled to get away from the heavy wind? All of these were signs of the early, should-be-illegal hour that Reid usually woke up at. Singing birds and bright sunshine were _not._

Which could only mean one thing.

"I'm late!" he yelped, struggling to climb out of the cocoon of blankets that encased his body. His legs got tangled in the heavy blankets and he let out a cry as he went tumbling to the floor.

"Ahh!" he groaned as his knee glanced off the wooden floorboards. A sharp sting of pain greeted him, and he lifted up the pant-leg of his pajamas once he had struggled away from the blankets. A graze slashed across his knee, a slight trickle of blood rolling down. Reid cursed under his breath and swatted at it with his hand, wiping the blood away. He didn't have time to deal with slight mishaps like this - he had to get to work. And fast.

The rational part of Reid's mind told him that he really couldn't be _that _late. He woke up at a ridiculous hour anyway - it was all part of the schedule. As long as he skipped his daily novel, his cup of home-made coffee, his morning documentary, his morning jog and his cup of shop-bought coffee, he _should _be able to make it to work on time.

No. Scratch that last bit - he needed the coffee. He'd never be able to survive without it.

Reid struggled into his clothes, before grabbing his bag and hurrying out of his small apartment. If he hurried now, he'd be able to make a quick stop at the coffee shop and grab his morning intake of caffein. Hotch would understand..maybe even appreciate it. He knew how Reid could get without coffee.

"AHH! OH GOD!" Reid yelped, as he felt something hard and metallic collide with his body. He felt himself go flying, his arms whirring like windmills in order to catch his balance. He landed on the ground with a loud _'thud' _and let out a groan of utter misery.

"Oh sweetie?" cooed a crackly voice from above his battered body. "What on earth are you doing down there?"

"Mrs. Henderson" he croaked, taking in the sight of his elderly neighbour. "Did you just run me over?"

Mrs. Henderson's wrinkly old face creased in confusion, and she leaned back in her wheelchair. "What was that, dearie?"

"Nothing" Reid sighed, remembering that his neighbour was as deaf as they came.

"Well get off the floor then" the elderly lady reprimanded. "You don't want to be collecting dirt on that nice little sweater of yours."

"Yeah." Spencer didn't move. His body thudded with waves of pain. He wanted to lie there and never get up.

But continuing to lie there would mean he would be late for work - and he'd probably have to give up his morning intake of coffee. That alone gave him the strength to pull himself off the floor, despite the groan of agony that left him as he did so.

"Have a nice day dearie" Mrs. Henderson smiled. Reid jumped out of the way as she wheeled past him, staring warily at the metal contraption until she was out of sight.

As soon as she was gone, and the threat of being run over again had passed, Reid took off down the long corridor. He hurried over to the elevator, picking up his pace when he saw the doors closing.

"Wait!" he yelled, reaching out to stop the doors from slamming shut. His hand smashed on the cold metal of the elevator, as it closed shut and took off, leaving him behind.

"Dammit!" he cursed, rubbing his scraped knuckles. Now he'd have to take the stairs - another five minutes of his morning wasted. Letting out a string of curses, Reid marched himself to the staircase on the other end of the hall.

"Just a few steps" he muttered to himself. "Then I can go get my coffee, with extra milk and extra sugar, just the way I like it - _OH MY GOD!"_

Reid felt his foot slip from beneath him and for a moment a wave of panic hit him - and then he was tumbling down the stairs, screaming all the way down.

"Righteous, dude" murmured a blonde teenager, who was standing at the base of the staircase. _"Righteous."_

Right felt his muscles tense and his jaw tighten as he pulled himself of the floor, and staggered out the doors of the building. His badly abused body ached with every step he took; he must have damaged his knee in the fall. He could barely walk without a horrible limp.

As he staggered down the street, he wondered if maybe he should call in sick. But that would just make the team worry, and destroy his perfect record. His _perfect record, _dammit.

"Wow!" he heard someone cry out, and then he was being slammed into a nearby wall, his already bruised body protesting at the rough treatment.

"Dude!" gasped a male voice.

"Thank you" Reid said, through gritted teeth. "You've just made my day even worse than it was before. I didn't think that was possible - and usually when I think something, its usually right."

"Dude!" the male repeated - Reid looked up to see that the 'male' was in fact a teenaged dark-haired boy, looking like he desperately needed a good layer of sunscreen. "Take a chill pill!"

"I" Reid ground out. "For once in my life, am going to be late for work. I tripped over. I fell down the stairs. I _got run over. _So no _dude _I don't _want _a frickin' _chill pill!"_

"Bobby!" exclaimed a female voice, and a teenaged girl joined the picture. "Mom says not to talk to the crazies!"

"_Crazies?" _Reid repeated. "I'll tell you whats crazy - the overuse of the word _dude _around here. Take a look in a dictionary, would you? And while your at it, look up 'skin cancer' - because it is _definitely _somewhere in your upcoming future!"

"Bobby!" the girl repeated, tugging on the boys arm incessantly.

"Let's get out of here" the boy muttered, taking the girls arm and leading her off into the distance.

"Oh sure!" Reid spat, glaring at their disappearing forms. "Just leave me on the ground!"

He leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. It was uncharacteristic of him to snap like that, but the morning was really starting to get to him.

His hand inched towards his pocket, where he cell phone was stored. He imagined calling Hotch and telling him he couldn't make it to work. He imagined peeling himself off the sidewalk and staggering back to his apartment. He imagined curling in bed with a steaming up of coffee and a good book, and blocking out the rest of the world.

And then he imagined that perfect record being tarnished.

"Got to get to work" he muttered, crawling up from his position on the floor. "I've _got _to..."

Soon he was staggering down the sidewalk, muttering curses to himself. He struggled to ignore the pain in his leg. He'd soon have warm coffee filling his mouth, sliding down his throat. _Coffee. _He picked up his pace, the thought of the dark substance the only strength he needed.

There was a Starbucks situated around the corner. Reid limped over to the small shop, and his hand grasped the door handle.

"Mind opening that for me?"

Reid spun around, his eyes taking in a pretty blonde women standing behind him. She smiled and awkwardly lifted her arms, which were both occupied by the multiple bags she held.

"Sure" Reid said, pulling at the door and holding it open for her. The women smiled again and stepped inside.

"Thanks" she said.

"No problem - _OW!" _Reid let out a cry of pain as he felt the door slam shut on his hand. "Ow, ow, ow!"

"Oh my god!" the women gasped. "Here let me help -" She dropped her bags on the floor and hurried over to open the door.

"Thanks" Reid groaned, once his hand was free. He peered at it closely. Oh, that was definitely going to bruise.

"Tough day?" the women asked, sympathetically, taking in the awkward angle of his knee, the bruise on his cheek from getting run over, and his newly damaged hand.

"You could say that" Reid muttered. "I really just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever."

"Don't we all" the women sighed.

Reid staggered forward to stand in the line. When it was finally his turn to order his coffee, he asked for the usual (he was a regular customer in the store and almost all the workers new him by name) and went to stand on the side.

He closed his eyes briefly, thinking that things were sure to look up. There was no way his day could continue on like this, right? It had to end sooner or later - he'd get his coffee, catch a taxi and head over to work and then everything would be fine.

"_Oh my god, is that a gun?" _

Reid wrenched his eyes open, as the sound of a hysterical female voice filled the small shop. His eyes raked the store and sure enough, standing by the door, was a man holding a gun. His face was covered with a black ski mask, and his hand clutched the small gun as if it was his life line.

"Everybody, stay where you are!" he barked.

"Oh you have _got _to be kidding me..." Reid muttered.

"Shut up and stay quiet!" the man continued. "Don't make a sound or I'll shoot you. _You" _he turned to the frightened cashier. "Give me everything you got!"

"C-coffee?" the cashier - Reid remembered his name was Michael - stuttered.

"No you idiot" the man spat. _"Money."_

"Yeah, okay, sure, whatever you want" Michael blabbered, his hands fumbling as he reached for the register. Clumsily, he collected all the money in it and dumped it in the mans hands.

"There! Thats all of it - please don't hurt me!"

The man let out a small snarl and Michael flinched. He peered down at the wads of cash and small pile of coins.

"This all of it?"

"Yes!" Michael cried out. "I swear, thats all of it!"

The man grunted and turned around, and for a moment Reid was sure he was about to leave. He probably would have, if it wasn't for a phone going of at the last minute.

_Reid's phone._

The man whirled around, his eyes burning like an animals, and he fired of the gun.

"GET DOWN!" howled a nearby man, and Reid felt his body go flying as he was tackled to the ground.

"Oh God" he moaned, the agony his body was in increasing a tenth-fold as he slammed against the floor.

"Shit!" cursed the man who had tackled him. "You alright? The bullet didn't hit you did it?"

"No" Reid muttered, dazed.

"I-i-it hit t-the c-c-ceiling" Michael stuttered.

"Yeah" Reid murmured, blinking in confusion. "It hit the -"

A piece of the ceiling broke off and slammed against his shoulder blades.

"Just kill me" Reid whimpered. "End this misery."

"Here, I got you." Reid felt himself being pulled off the floor, as hands dusted away the pieces of plaster that had hit him.

"It's fine now, the gunman left" he heard someone say.

"Oh my god!" it was the blonde women from earlier. "You really have bad luck, don't you? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine" Reid managed to get out. His breathing felt slightly uneven. "I...I gotta go."

He shoved past the people milling around and staggered out the door, ignoring the concerned calls that followed him.

It was only when he was out of the store that he realized he had forgotten his coffee.

"GODDAMMIT!" he howled.

And then, to top it all off, his phone started ringing again. Reid's hand snatched it from his pocket, and he smashed his finger on the answer button.

"Piss off!" he spat, into the receiver.

"...Reid?"

Oh shit. Hotch.

"Reid are you alright?"

"...Wrong number" Reid choked out, before ending the call. His loosened his grip on the phone and closed his eyes.

'_The world is out to get you. These are all events to slow you down. Don't let them get to you. Just get to work.'_

Struggling to put every little worry out of his mind (which, at the moment, were a lot) Reid trekked to the side of the road, his eyes scanning about for a taxi.

It was just his luck that one came gliding down the road at just that moment. Reid waved his hand for it to stop, and a small smile spread across his lips. Maybe things were starting to look up.

He should have known it was too good to be true.

Reid climbed into the taxi and told the driver where to take him. "Just get me there and I'll love you forever" he promised. The driver gave him an odd look, but started up the car anyway. Soon they were pulling away from the sidewalk, and driving down the busy street.

Reid sighed in relief and leaned back in his seat. The soft, cushion-like seats felt wonderful against his battered body, and he felt himself dozing off.

But something felt wrong.

Reid frowned and sat up, his eyes flickering around the car, and then out the window. His eyebrows shot up.

"Um, hey, I think we're going the wrong way" he told the driver. There was no response.

"Excuse me -"

"Shut up!"

Reid blinked.

"Um...what?"

"I said shut up!" snarled the driver. "Keep your mouth shut, or I'll stick this knife through you and watch you bleed."

The first thing Reid thought was; _'oh god, he has a knife.'_

The second thing; '_no. fucking. way.'_

"This is not happening" Reid breathed, his eyes taking no a slightly crazy look. "After everything that has happened, this is _not happening."_

"I said shut up" the driver growled.

"No you _shut up!" _Reid snarled. "I have to get to work, I don't have time for any of this utter _bullshit. LET ME OUT!"_

The car picked up pace. Reid let out a scream of frustration and leapt to the side, his hand grasping the door handle.

"Fine!" he howled. "I'll _let myself out!"_

With an animalistic rage, Reid tore at the door handle and flung himself out of the moving car. His body hit the road, and he rolled like a barrel for a few good yards before he finally stopped.

"I'm still alive" he breathed in amazement. "You hear that, son of a bitch?" he lifted his head and yelled to the skies. "IM STILL FRICKIN' ALIVE!"

A car whizzed past him, causing Reid to yelp and jump out of the way.

"I'm going to get to work" Reid breathed, once he was out of harms way. "I'm going to get to work and all of this will be worth it because despite everything _I. Still. Won!"_

It wasn't even about keeping up with his perfect record anymore. After everything that had happened, there was no way Reid was going to give up now. He'd been run over, shoved into walls, fallen down a staircase, _been shot at_...and now someone had tried to kidnap him.

Reid could almost imagine Mother Nature sitting at on her throne of pinecones and cackling evilly as she watched over Reid and plotted his downfall.

"Well fuck you, Mother Nature" he spat. _"Fuck you."_

He was going to work, even if it killed him...which at the rate things were going, it probably would.

And then, naturally, it started to rain.

When Reid finally staggered to the front doors of the BAU headquarters, almost an hour had past. He was soaked to the bone, shivering, and his body was covered in so many bruises that he couldn't help but wonder if there was any of his normal skin tone left.

But he was here. Despite everything, he had made it.

The thought made Reid let out a loud, almost hysterical laugh.

"Yeah!" he crowed. "Take that Mother Nature, you Bitch! I'm Spencer Reid and I beat your frilly-panty covered arse!"

It was such an unlikely thing for him to say that it sent him into another fit of hysterical laughter. A couple who were passing by shot him an alarmed look and quickened there pace.

Reid's hands trembled as he reached for the door handle. He thought to himself, _'they should have that heavenly choir music playing in the background right now.' _His fingers were just inches from brushing the smooth brass of the knob...

And then everything went dark.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, Agent Reid, I'm so sorry!"<p>

Reid let out a small moan as consciousness slowly came back to him.

"I have no idea what happened, I didn't even see you there, oh god, oh god, please don't file a complaint, I'm new to this, I don't want to lose my job now, my brothers would never let me hear the end of it..."

"You...you smashed the door into my face" Reid choked out.

"I swear I didn't know you were standing there!"

"You _smashed a door into my face."_

Reid squinted and tried to see who is tormentor was. A small, squat-looking man looked back at him, his eyes wide with fear. He looked young; Reid realized he was probably new at the job. In fact, he might have even mentioned it in his babbles, but Reid's head was foggy and full of pain and he could barely even remember his own name, let alone what the other man had been talking about.

"Is everything alright - Reid? Whats going on, are you alright?"

"Hotch" Reid groaned.

"Agent Hotchner!" the other man blubbered. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even see him there!"

"Wait here with him" Hotch ordered. "I'll go call an ambulance."

"Hotch" Reid moaned. "Wait, take me with you."

"Reid wait here, I'll be right back" Hotch said, his tone softening slightly.

"No!" Reid moaned. "Take me with you, I just need to get inside that building - _carry me _if you have to!"

Hotch was already walking off, unable to hear Reid's pleas.

"Hotch, please, I came this far, I _have _to get into that building - she's laughing Hotch, she's laughing! Mother Nature is mocking me, thinking she got the better of me, but if you just get me inside that building, _I'll be the winner!"_

Hotch was gone.

"It's okay, Agent Reid" the other man said, patting his arm. "Your in good hands."

"I. Hate. You" Reid ground out. Then he rolled to the side and wretched. A moment later his body collapsed back to the floor - and something warm spread across his shoulders and hair.

He'd collapsed into a puddle of his own vomit.

"Why me?" he whimpered, before passing out.


End file.
